No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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