Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
