i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize