"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
