when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
