tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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