My nipple is on Facebook.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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