oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
