i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
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