i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
