yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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