yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
