Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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