Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
