Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
