you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
