i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
