her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Someone came in the potted fern
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
