As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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