Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
operation harelip BJ is a go
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
