weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
