The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We are all done wearing pants today
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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