I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
