as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
