We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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