Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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