I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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