That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
