I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
