i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
