Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize