i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
