My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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