Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
