This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
