I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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