I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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