I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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