all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
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