This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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