God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Randomize