just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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