it wasn't lemon gatorade
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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