I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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