I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
