Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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