The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize