She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
