Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just blew my weed a kiss
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
