I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
