his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
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She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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