My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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