a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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