he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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