i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
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