Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
