you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
