Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
