Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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